Today Emilia is six week old and to celebrate we went to the other side of town to visit our friends Steph, Andrew and little Juliette. For the first time we took the tube with Emilia and I don't mind confessing that we were a bit on edge about the trip. It's crazy to think how different life was just a couple of months ago. A simple thing like taking the tube has now become a bit of a mission. And no matter how organised and prepared you are, you are always going to forget something...and today we forgot the most important thing: Emilia's changing bag! Thank God we were going to a baby-friendly house and could borrow all of Juliette's stuff. Nonetheless, I felt terrible and guilty. How could I have forgotten about such an important thing? It would have not been a problem if I had forgotten something vital for myself, but it's unacceptable that I forgot something important for my baby. Emilia now comes first. This is motherhood.
Women have nine months to get ready to motherhood but to be honest I don't think motherhood is anything that can be learned, women are just born to be mothers. Since the first day we got back from hospital Rob was amazed at how quickly I had adjusted to the new life and kept telling me that I was a natural at changing diapers, getting up in the middle of the night for feeding, and all the things new parents have to do. I never really thought of what to do too much, everything just came natural to me. You can read books, watch tutorials, listen to more experienced friends but in the end what really kicks in at some point is the maternal instinct.
My life changed the moment I found out to be pregnant. First came the extreme exhaustion and sickness; then the body started changing and expanding. And then again tiredness, exhaustion, and sickness. The last month was all about waiting and hoping that everything would go well; imagining how labour would be and praying for it not to be too painful (wishful thinking!). When the moment finally came I gained all my energy and dealt with all the discomfort, pain and embarrassment to have people looking and constantly checking on you (you know what I mean!). In that particular moment you just forget about yourself, you have only one thing in mind: to deliver the baby safely. And you can't wait to see the baby and finally hold her in your arms.
Women have to go through so much during and after pregnancy. Sometimes during the pregnancy I felt so sick or tired that I wondered if in the end it was really going to be worth it. And then the moment you look at your baby, the moment she looks at you, the moment she holds your finger, the moment she smiles at you, you understand that motherhood is all you have been waiting for.
My life has changed and will never be the same. My body has changed and will never be the same (for the curious ones: I have three kilos to lose to go back to my pre-pregnancy weight).
Now Emilia has the priority on everything and I am here to take good care of her.